why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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