matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
