I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
