i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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