So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
