Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
