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i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize
