woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
