just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
