how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we're making bets on your personal life
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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