my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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