Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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