well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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