So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
