I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I forgot wine drunk hurts
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
