i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
