My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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