why didn't you poke me back
I'm going to jail i love you
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
