i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
