If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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