i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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