Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
