Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
