in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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