if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
