I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
