I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You don't make any sense
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