I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He felt like a one man threesome
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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