Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
