They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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