Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
pray to the hookup gods
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
