Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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