i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
