He asked to "fluff my boner.."
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
