A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
