He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
