can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
