I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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