ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
