a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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