i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
