Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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