she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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