So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
