I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
