So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There's always time for handjobs
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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