if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
