People with herpes should wear stickers.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
