I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she peed on how many people?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
