She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
